Change for good

Things changed.
What can I say?

'Tak tahulah'
'Aku tak tahulah'

I'm starting to hate myself for not really knowing what is actually there in my heart. For never really have the answer, the truth, or my own desire in life.
Ask me anything, and I would assure you that my answer would most probably be,
' I don't know and not gonna give a damn about it'

I just realized that. I know I have been so emotionless. Like a dead man walking. And not really have the excitement in almost anything that I've been into. And I don't know what I have turned into. I wouldn't call myself as a human, a normal human being.


Where is the excitement? My enthusiasm?

Really, I need to find it. I feel sorry for my friends, my family, for all the people around me. For giving you no expression, no excitement, no enthusiasm. I have been that person for such a long time that I don't know how to find or getting myself change into someone else who I would gladly turn into.

The process of self-discovering is still on-going. I need to find me. The thing that will excites me, in any way. Other than bloody food (damn, I have put on weight).

Well, change for a better me do sounds good.

At least for me.