Wednesday, December 21, 2011

One down, three to go.

Alhamdulillah, he is happily married.Now I have a new sister. A new Kak Long. hehe.


Wedding can be so exhausting, tiring but equally fun.

Selagi mak bahagia, pengantin bahagia, semua pun bahagia.

'From now you’ll share all your chores
Through heart-ship to support each other
Together worshipping Allah
Seeking His pleasure
We pray that He will fill your life
With happiness and blessings
And grants your kids who make your home
Filled with laughter'
                                         -Maheir Zain, Barakallahu Lakuma

Bila nak ada anak sedara pulak ni? hehe :P

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Home is where my heart is II

I guess, ever since I was a small kid, whenever I went out of town, I would always looking forward to go back to KL. Not because of what KL has to offer for me, but basically for KL is indeed my home.

My home sweet home.

What's really great about KL? Dahlah bad traffic, crime rates tinggi, bising, air pollution merata-rata, and you are welcomed to the sight of concrete jungle once you enter the borderline Selangor-KL. Development bangunan tinggi merata-rata that sometimes look so scary because they are built on the edge of a hill. Pergilah area Mont Kiara kalau tak percaya, kondominium tinggi bersesak-sesak ada kat sana.

But then again, KL is my home.

It's the place where I grew up. I've never been so far, out of country, paling jauh pun Tangkak. Home is the place where I learn almost about everything. Masa kecik2 main dengan jiran2 taman, with seasonal outdoor games like layang-layang, main guli, kejar-kejar and we even held our own sukaneka on our own, unlike what children nowadays are up to; ipads, video games and other tech stuff. BORING!

I guess, home is the place that I can be most comfortable with myself. For real comfort, I would always turn to my home. It might look a little different now, but it is still the same place I call home.

I guess bila dah tua pun, I would definitely say the same thing. As much as I adore a quiet, secluded, isolated beautiful place like an island in Terengganu for instance, Segambut is still my favourite place to stay.

It's the so-called love-hate relationship that I have for this place. It's kinda hard to explain. You know you have one too.




Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.  ~John Ed Pearce




Sunday, December 4, 2011

May all iz well




'Oh no I see
A spider web it's tangled up with me
And I lost my head
The thought of all the stupid things I said
Oh no what's this
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turned to run
The thought of all the stupid things I've done'





Bukan hidup namanya kalau kau tak diuji. Life will be meaningless then. Let's just pray for the best and hope that all is well.



Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Takdir tuhan siapa tahu?

' Sedar tak sedar genap 5 tahun dah Aicau meninggal,' kata Abah.

Yeah, 5 years. Exactly 5 years ago. 30th November 2006. Now it's 2011.

Who would have thought that he would leave us so soon. But then again, takdir tuhan, siapa yang tahu.

Hampir genap 6 bulan  my house was under renovation. And esok will be the last day pakcik2 tu bekerja siapkan rumah. Dan aku rindukan Putrajaya. Rumah dah nak siap, Along dah pun nak kahwin. Siapa sangka dia dah nak berumah tangga tak lama lagi.

Takdir  tuhan, kau apa tahu.

Atuk's condition is getting worse. Selalu demam at least sebulan sekali. Dah semakin lupa. Dan atuk pun dah mula lupa nak call. Siapa sangka Atuk mula demam sejak Raya lepas, yang dijangkitkan oleh aku sendiri. Dan sejak tu, Atuk selalu tak sihat.

Takdir tuhan, aku memang tak tahu menahu.


Takdir Allah, cuma Dia sahaja yang tahu.





Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Saya cinta awak

Ada orang cakap aku cinta kat kau.

....................................................

Haha. Honestly aku pun tak tahu dan tak sedar.

Aku mungkin marah-marah kadang-kadang. Marahkan kau, mungkin. Tapi, dengan sentuhan dan 'magic words' (lah sangat) daripada kau, semuanya hilang. Lega. As if nothing happened.

The weird thing is, cuma kau je boleh bagi effect tu pada aku.


With that,

Dear Farhana Nazri,

Happy Happy Birthday :)


and yes, I love you.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Meow.

Masa dalam kereta bersiar-siar dengan Mak Abah dalam kereta, I think of you. I remember you driving me around Putrajaya sana sini showing off your skills driving manual car, ergh.

While I was cleaning up our house in Segambut, I think of you, again. The house is different now but it is still the same place we grew up together. I listened to you telling me how was your football 'friendly' match almost every evening. How you got tackled by this boy and I still remember how proud you were when you scored a goal. I remember how enthusiastic you were back then when we did house chores together when Kak Sam left our house for the first time.

It was you the one who told Mak Abah and caught me ponteng sekolah. Hahaha.

I get annoyed when you're around. I get annoyed when you are not around. 

When I see cats, I think of you. 

If you're home, I'll always be happier. 


If only you're here. 




Friday, November 11, 2011

Buat-buat faham

'Kena suruh solat dari kecik, biar lama-lama dia biasa lah', tegas Mak, menegakkan hujah-hujah mendidik budak kecil bersolat.

'Lagi satu, kena ajak pergi surau/masjid dari kecik lagi, takpe, nampak macam paksa, tapi lama-lama nanti sendiri pandai lah,' sambung Mak lagi.

'Tapi Mak, kalau buat secara terpaksa tak ada kerelaan hati, tak ke kerja sia-sia namanya?' Aku mencelah.

'Nurul rasa, mungkin idea suruh dari kecik-kecik memang bagus, tapi kena fahamkan kenapa nak kena solat, kenapa nak kena pergi masjid. Bila dah faham, automatik ikhlas nak buat sebab dah tau kenapa dan automatik akan praktik sampai ke tua. Tak gitu?' kata Nurul.

******

Nak melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. Sebab masa dia jadi rebung, dia lembut lagi, senang nak bentuk, senang nak lentur. Tapi, bila dah jadi buluh, bila dah keras, memang susah lah nak bentuk.

Tapi kalau melentur saja-saja, tak ada asas yang kukuh, buat apa-apa tapi tak ada pemahaman. Seriously, apa gunanya? Bila ditanya, kenapa solat? Kenapa puasa?Kenapa kena tutup aurat? Cuma setakat jawab sebab wajib, kena buat tapi tak faham apa kepentingan di sebaliknya.

Seriously?

Let us do some reflections. Aku sendiri tak banyak ilmu, banyak yang belajar masa sekolah agama dah ingat-ingat lupa. Lepas sekolah menengah, pergi matriks, masuk uni, tak ada effort langsung pergi belajar agama. Ceramah pun pergi sekali-sekala. Dok fikir study je semata-mata lepas tu berdoa beria mintak lulus exam.

Gila ungrateful.

Sama lah macam belajar. Kenapa belajar? Kenapa masuk uni?  Sometimes, we do things just because it's part of our life that we think we have to go through. We don't really try to understand what is it for, the importance, and even benefits we gain from it.

Mungkin aku adalah salah satu rebung yang memang dilentur sejak kecil lagi. Alhamdulillah, tapi sebenarnya banyak lagi yang aku tak faham kenapa aku kena buat. Banyak lagi yang aku sendiri tak faham kenapa macam tu, kenapa macam ni.

So, yeah, I agree with Nurul's statement.

It's ok kalau tak tahu, tapi kena belajar mengambil tahu. Ye, malu nak mengaku sekarang, tapi lagi malu di kemudian hari kalau buat amal ibadah tapi tak tahu nak explain kenapa kena buat bila ditanya orang.

******

'Dulu-dulu masa abah kecil, arwah moyang ajar bangun solat subuh pagi-pagi dan solat dekat surau berjemaah.
Masa mula-mula nak buat dulu memang liat, lepas tu, constantly, abah dengan budak-budak kampung lain bangun jugak subuh solat kat surau sampailah cukup 40 hari.
Lepas je dapat cukup 40 hari, tak pernah tinggal sehari  pun, arwah moyang jamu kitorang dengan makanan, lebih kurang macam ganjaran la.

Macam budak kecik puasa sehari dapat seringgit.
Sejak tu, memang rasa seronok bangun pagi-pagi pergi surau dengan kawan-kawan semua, belajar mengaji, macam-macam lah,
Dulu-dulu seronok, orang kampung ramai-ramai berkumpul kat surau, Tilawah Al-Quran tu pun ramai-ramai pakat excited nak dengar macam orang sekarang dengar konsert.

Sekarang, hiburan manusia dah lain. Hedonisme je semata.Pakat dok tengok konsert berjemaah kat rumah adalah,' Jelas abah masa dalam kereta on the way balik ke Putrajaya pagi tadi.


So ,yeah.

Melentur buluh biarlah daripada rebungnya. Tapi tak ada salahnya kalau dah nak jadi buluh tu nak belajar lagi.




Thursday, November 10, 2011

Forget me not

Dear Atuk,

For an old man like you, to forget things, that is normal. You are now reaching 77 years of age. I can't expect you to remember every single details.


But I am not sad. Because of the fact that you still remember to call me.Without fail. And you forgot that you've called. Which makes you call, again, again and again. Because you are my 'boyfriend' who never fail to call me constantly at least once a week :) 


I don't mind if you call me once.
Twice, just an hour later after you called.
I don't mind.


I don't mind. Because I know that you didn't forget me.




Saturday, November 5, 2011

Corny much

When I was a little innocent kid, friendship was something to me. I was really excited when I was declared as someone's best friend. I was proud and felt loved. As if it was my first ever established relationship to a normal human being other than my family.

From that day onward, friendship means a lot to me.

We sent each other cute cards, cute gifts, cute sayings to remind each other how much we appreciate our  relationship. Just to tell her that I was glad she was my best friend. Corny, I know.

But then, things went bad. And we broke up. I was no longer her best friend.

We didn't manage to save our friendship. The ship sank to the bottom of the ocean and no one was able to go down and pull it to the surface. Either me or her.

We failed. Miserably, without even trying to work things out. Up till now, she's just a friend of mine.Whom I never get in touch with. She's nobody. Not someone special.

As time goes by, I met different kind of people. One who helps me get stronger, one who would rather see my weaknesses instead of strengths, one who I would do anything for, and one who I would care less and more. These are the people who I called friends. People who are different and unique in their own way. Those who have shaped my life.

Many times, my friendships were tested. Many times. I believe it was His plan in making me a better company, a listener, and most importantly a better friend.

A good friend does not mean someone who take care of your feelings and intended to save your friendship by keeping things to him/herself. When something bad happen, you ought to go to your friend so that you can tell them what went wrong. But somehow you keep things to yourself, let it accumulate and explode on one fine day.

Because that's what I did. Or at least that is what I still do.

I have always thought that by keeping things to myself, I am the savior of all the friendships that I have built. Instead of making things worse, I decided to keep it quiet and let it pass and pretending nothing really bothers me. I thought I was being good to my friend. But I was wrong. I have been selfish all along.

For that,dear friends,I am sorry.

Friendship is what matters the most to me. As much as I keep saying I don't care, I don't mind. Please, do read between the lines. Deep down inside, I do care and I do mind. Expressing my own feeling is the hardest thing for me to do. I wanted to look strong but I was fool enough for not realize that I am actually making myself the weakest people on earth.

I know sometimes I give up. On me and my friends. I need your help. As much as I always say I give up, I never really wanted things to go down, for the ship to sink , for our friendship to come to an end.

For now, I know things will get better. Well, they have to get worse before they get better.


I want our ship to sail strong, drifting out across the blue ocean. We'll make it through storm and thunder. Together.



Yeah, corny. I know.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Lesson learned part 2

No matter how good your feelings were at beginning of the day, you can never tell they could actually turn 360 degrees as the day come to an end.

This thing called fate.You just can never tell.You just don't know.

I had a bad day. Tired. Migrain. Excruciating pain due to really really bad traffic. With my awful sense of direction that caused my mom and I got lost until KJ and PJ. We were running out of fuel, tinggal separuh senggat je and we're exhausted, physically and mentally. Mak was fasting and I missed my lunch. We were meant to go to Putrajaya. We got off from Segambut around 5 something and we arrived safely with huuuuuge relief at Putrajaya around 8.15 pm.

Man. It was bad.

When I was stuck in the traffic, all I can think of is that, 'Ada hikmah ni, ada hikmah ni, Sabar. SABAR.'
and Mak lagi lah, tak henti-henti istighfar panjang-panjang.

Lesson learned,
Kalau Tuhan nak bagi tu, memang dapat lah. Kalau Dia tak nak bagi, memang tak kan dapatlah walaupun the chance was right in front of your eyes ke, kerja macam nak gila ke. Memang tak la.





Saturday, October 8, 2011

Be patient, and you'll be loved.

Now playing : Swallowed in the sea by Coldplay.

When you had a rough time, what did you do?

Bila family member meninggal dunia? Bila migrain sampai macam nak pecah kepala?
Bila failed paper, bila duit scholar tak masuk-masuk lagi, bila kena marah dengan mak, or simply bila laptop 'hang' macam nak gila.

Tak ramai yang sabar kat dunia ni. Simple things would crack you up. Tercalar kereta sikit, tapi bergaduh macam kereta dah remuk tak boleh nak repair balik.

Kadang-kadang, cakap memang senang. Bukan kau yang fail paper, kau tak tahu betapa susahnya. Bukan nenek kau yang meninggal dunia, bukan kau yang terasa sedihnya.

But you need to remember, Allah knows. He knows. Everything. Every single thing.

And thing happens for a reason.

Dia turunkan musibah, supaya kita sedar, kat dunia ni, yang kita claim kita punya, is never really belong to us. Never been, never was, and never will.
Ramai lagi orang yang kena lagi teruk di luar sana.


Bila kerap kali sabar dengan sekecil-kecil perkara sekalipun, Insya Allah, boleh handle dan bersabar bila berdepan dengan situasi yang sangat besar.

'Sabar. Kalau sabar, tak rugi, Tuhan pun sayang.' (Atuk Wan)

"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A rush of blood to the head

It is funny to have a playlist when you're in the cycle. And yes, I am specifically referring this to all women out there. A period mix? Tapi..boleh consider jugak lah kan.

Seriously, perempuan bila PMS, and period, memang unpredictable. Sekejap menangis, sekejap ketawa terbahak-bahak. They're confusing. Sometimes, aku pun sendiri confuse. This hormonal imbalance thingy is weird and complicated not just for men to understand, but for women as well. Semua pun tak kena. Sampaikan kena stage fright all the way dari mula sampai habis presentation. Ergh, crap!

Masa dalam kereta on the way balik Putrajaya tadi, semua lagu dekat semua channel sound dreadful, tak sedap, menyakitkan telinga. And I would rather not to listen to anything at all.

And then, I asked Along to change to something else, something decent, soothing, and pleasant to my ears. Nasib baik ada playlist zikr dalam phone. Nasib baik. Barulah tenang sikit.

Maybe, after all, the best period mix or PMS mix is zikr, words in remembrance of God, the one who gives you the pain, the roller coaster of emotional stability, as He is the only one who can ease the pain.

"When our hearts are perturbed and made uneasy by events, the best direction to turn is towards the remembrance of God, for "...surely by Allah's remembrance are the hearts set at rest." (Qur'an 13:28) And the dhikr, the remembrance, that encompasses God's aspect of Mercy through His name Al-Rahman, will stand as a protecting guard over error, arrogance, and an invisible, and deceptive enemy"




Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Babbling part 15 - Back to school

Soon, really soon, I'll be going back to school. Seronok sebab I'll get to see my dear friends that I miss soo soo much, catching up stories after 4 months of semester break (lama tu!). Seronok sebab nak pergi kelas, ada rutin normal pergi kelas balik kelas dan rasa seperti manusia berguna. Boleh hang out dengan kawan-kawan, nak ke KL senang.

Tak seronok nya sebab rutin bermalas-malasan yang bermaharaja lela masa cuti tak dapat diamalkan seperti selalu. Thesis dah start, kerja-kerja dewasa manusia berguna dah dimulakan.It's a good thing,though. Tak seronoknya sebab emikucing dah nak balik, and he'll not be here on 25th Dec nanti, so, most probably i'll send him off at KLIA this Sunday. 

So, dah nak kena start packing barang2. Banyak barang tertinggal kat Segambut, so tak adalah banyak sangat barang nak bawak kot for the time being, sampailah rumah tu dah siap renovate. I miss Segambut so much! I miss my friends!

Raya was great, menziarah famili, ke kubur, main-main dengan sepupu. Tapi,takdir Allah nak bagi demam right on the last day of fasting. I couldn't even get up to help my family prepare the food for raya. And then, masa Raya, atuk pulak demam, and on the last day I was at Muar, Umair pulak demam. Rasa bersalah sangat. Huhu. Nurul cakap, I am the real culprit, penyebar virus sakit !

Sampai hari ni, selsema masih ada, saki baki demam masih ada. Hopefully, by next week lebih sihat sebab taknak spread the flu to my housemates pulak kan? Lagi banyak orang sakit nanti.


Till then, let's say goodbye to holiday, and let's say hi to school!

Jom balik sekolah  :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Eid Mubarak :)

Ramadhan bakal  pergi, Aidilfitri bakal menjengah tak lama lagi.

Alhamdulillah, syukur dipertemukan dengan Ramadhan kali ini.
Tak tahu lah jumpa lagi ke tak dengan Ramadhan nanti.

Satu -satunya harapan dan doa yang diminta ialah untuk menjadi Muslim yang lebih baik dan mengisi Ramadhan dengan lebih bermakna pada kali ini.

Antara benda yang aku betul-betul dah mula faham dan belajar sepanjang Ramadhan ni ialah kebergantungan pada Allah. Kadang-kadang, cakap je tak semestinya percaya dengan hati, tapi, once you really hold on to it, and really believe in Him, then you will understand.

Lean on Allah, the Almighty, as He is the ultimate source of dependency, and you will not be disappointed,trust me.

Anyway,

Eid Mubarak !
Have a safe trip. And I am sooo looking forward for the new semester! :))






Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Why do people have to leave each other?

I had this question on my mind ever since I was 9 years old. For having the feeling of being left,( when my brother and sister went back to their hostel after a long school break), and leaving my grandparents alone in their house after spending some great weekends with them. Leaving and being left are both equally hurt in any way, that I keep on asking myself, why oh why people have to leave each other?

Alhamdulillah, as I went through this website, I think I finally found the answer that I have been searching for, for the past 13 years.

" if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest.


 This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.



We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ï·º died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ï·º like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”
To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable.
 You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes."-Yamin Mogahed, Suhaibb Webb.com
Read the full article, here.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I have You

 But if they turn away, say (O Muhammad ): "Allah is sufficient for me. La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the Mighty Throne."


Bila kita tahu kita sentiasa ada Dia, segalanya mencukupi. Aku pegang pada ayat ini, sejak dulu lagi. Tiada yang lain kecuali Dia. 


'La Tahzan, Innallaha Maa'na'


Aku mungkin tak sesempurna dan sebaik yang lain. Iman aku ada turun naik nya.
Tapi, bila aku tahu Dia sentiasa ada, aku jadi tak putus asa.


Siapa lagi yang mampu memberikan kasih sehebat Dia, siapa yang mampu memberikan cinta sehebat Dia?


Bila kau betul-betul percaya Dia ada. 


Segalanya cukup. Segalanya bererti.


Because you know you always have Him. Always. :)



Monday, August 15, 2011

Emo kid is on PMS.

Great rendition. My favourite singer, singing my favourite song.

'Oh, what a thing to do'

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

KL is where my heart is

miss the view, miss my corner, I miss RAH
I went to KL last week. And guess what, weird enough but I felt relieved as I saw KLCC.

I felt like..home.

Which is weird as I have always hated the city life. The noise, bad traffic, the polluted air, the people.

Yelah, duduk kat Putrajaya, pagi-pagi dengar ayam berkokok sebab jiran bela ayam serama. Dengar bunyi kapal terbang lalu siang malam sebab KLIA tak jauh dari sini. Dapat udara segar bugar sebab belakang rumah hutan penuh pokok pisang, bagi kucing makan kadang-kadang sedangkan masa kat KL tak pernah terlintas nak sayang kucing. So, yeah, I am starting to love this place already.

But then again, bila nampak KLCC, KL tower, nampak Chow Kit, nampak monorel semua, rasa macam kembali ke tanah air tercinta. Haha.

Yelah, dari kecik sampai besar duduk KL.

I'm a city girl after all.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Fear no more

'The reason why people are reluctant to make any changes is because they are afraid of getting out of their comfort zones, and doing something that is out of ordinary, not the usual routine and afraid of the changes that might as well affecting their surroundings,'

Let's call for a change, eh?

Tak kisah lah dari segala segi sekali pun, mulakan dengan yang paling mudah dan ringkas seperti lebih rajin membaca buku,cakap terima kasih atau menjaga hubungan baik sesama insan sehinggalah menjaga hubungan baik dengan Tuhan.

Nak berubah menjadi lebih baik bukan senang.
Tapi, bila kita bulatkan hati dan berserah kepada Allah,Insya Allah, Allah akan permudahkan semua urusan dan kita akan redha dengan apa yang ditentukan.
Tapi konsep tawakal bukan sekadar tawakal semata-mata, tapi kena diiringi dengan ikhtiar,usaha dan tawakal.



Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for everything. For His unconditional love, my family and friends, and for another Ramadhan  to celebrate.

'Dah 22 tahun hidup, berapa banyak amalan dah buat? Kalau mati esok, confirm boleh masuk syurga?'
Oh, tertampar!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Apa kau tunggu lagi?

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan datang lagi. Dan aku berpeluang sekali lagi berjumpa Ramadhan. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Bila Ramadhan, hati tenang, tak ada nak marah-marah sangat. Even apa-apa benda atau masalah jadi, orang akan bagi chance sebab it's Ramadhan. Kena sabar. Bulan beribadah, bulan beramal dan manusia berlumba-lumba mengumpul pahala. Betapa Allah itu Ar-Rahman dan Ar-Rahim.

Sekitar dua, tiga hari lepas, macam-macam isu ada. Soal penarikan balik iklan ramadhan 8tv dan yang latest aku baca, Pemuda Pas nak tv9 tarik balik iklan Sahur pulak. Macam-macam. Well, media's role is very very important, kan? Everyone can see that. Everyone has their own rights and opinions on that matter. Kebebasan bersuara kan? So, tak boleh nak salahkan mana-mana pihak, it's up to you on how you interpret the message and judge the issue. Rationally and intellectually.

Semoga kita lebih bijak dan memperbaiki diri sendiri. Islam bukan agama yang menghukum, Islam ada banyak alternatif. Kalau korang ada masa, silalah tengok video yang aku post dekat facebook, Bicara Selebriti yang ada Wardina, Ustaz Asri, Sham Kamikaze, and Ustaz Hasrizal. It's worth every minute of your time. Banyak boleh belajar. Apa salahnya luangkan masa 2 jam untuk belajar ilmu agama kalau kita boleh spend 2 jam untuk movies? At least, you gain something. :)

Insya Allah, semoga Ramadhan lebih banyak terisi dengan benda-benda berfaedah, rugi kalau kita tak ambil kesempatan.


Jom muhasabah dan refleksi diri,
Jom perbaiki diri sendiri,
Kalau tak sekarang, bila lagi?
Ajal dan maut mungkin sahaja menjemput esok, lusa atau sebentar lagi,
Apa yang kau tunggu lagi?
Tak nak dapatkan ganjaran Ilahi?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Babbling part 15 : Semua orang lain-lain

Honestly, I was not intimidated by their looks, great suits, the 'Wall Street' looks. Fine, nampak intelligent semua, cakap berhabuk, and nampak superior than anyone else. But hey,have you actually seen the real world?

These people are great, yes, they come up with ideas, great stands, opinions, and they may be our leaders in the future. And yes, we need these kind of people to rule our country.

Tapi, pada aku, diorang terlalu idealistik, bukan realistik. And they have seen a better system in a developed country. They have to accept the fact that Malaysia is working on its way to become a developed nation. Malaysia is still a developing country. 

But then, bak kata Nurul, it's great to have someone to blame.Kalau masa sekolah, we hate prefects, sedangkan they're just doing their job. In this case, it's great to blame the govt. or lebih tepat lagi it's great to blame someone at the top. Pada aku, govt sekarang ada great efforts, all these lined up transformation programs, memang lah bagus. But at the same time, mesti ada flaws here and there right? So, here comes the opposition party yang akan point out salah kerajaan. But then, kalau tak ada pihak yang tegur, pihak yang satu lagi tak akan improve kan?So, keterbukaan itu sangat penting, for both sides.

Jadi, fine lah kan, awak pandai, intelligent, analytical and critical thinking, but if you are not ready to listen and you only want yourself to be heard, that is very selfish, tak ke?

But hey, I'm glad I went there. No regrets at all.



'You need to listen if you want yourself to be heard, that is an effective two-way communication.'

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Oh I hate u so much!

Why now?
Why must at this freaking time?

I'm not a coffee person. But coffee rarely gives any effect on my CNS-(read : Central Nervous System).
I don't want to show up half-dead, and lack of sleep tomorrow. Because, that damn coffee is working well enough to keep me awake at this freaking moment!

Please. I beg u.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pictures to tell



Sekitar Mei. Uji resepi, that's what we did  most of the time during LI.

Pantauan tata etika barangan bayi, Mid Valley. Macam penguatkuasa dah, haha.

Found a new place where I can grab nice sushi at affordable price. Not much, but  can be considered as an alternative for  Sushi King if you are broke like me. *thanks to Sau Jing*

Another uji rasa resepi, a healthy dessert, I forgot what we named it. Definitely not Sago Sister.

Cute newborn baby, she's probably 1 months old now, I guess. Masa jumpa, dia baru lahir , 2 jam.

Teaching diabetic patients the right portions of carb that they can consume. Fun and practical!

Found a great place for jogging. Haven't been there for a while now. 



These pictures were taken around May-June-July, during my disappearance. I don't do wordless wednesday. I upload pictures whenever I want to.



p/s :Oh, friends ,
Ramadhan is coming, soon.

 :)



Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Take home message

Now Playing -Hujan lebat di Pinggiran Putra

'Kenapa semua point yang buruk-buruk je??'

Well, sometimes, I need to know what are my weaknesses. For me to become better.
Today is the day of me recognizing my own mistakes, my own bad attitudes or simply the part of being me that is not right, not at the right place and not at the right time.

Untuk rendahkan diri serendah-rendahnya, dan menerima bulat-bulat kelemahan diri sendiri, i'll give credit to myself.
It's not easy to acknowledge my own mistake and admit it.
To lower down my ego, and finally admit that, 'Yes, it is my fault, my own mistake, and I should not point fingers to anyone else but me'.

I know that I know what I have to do. What I'm going to do. And stop asking questions like ' What's the point, and what if'' for every single thing that I am going to do. Because sometimes there's no need for a reason to do something. You just do what you have to do.


Fear.Conquer.Acknowledge.Strength. Resentment.Stop.


Lost appetite, depression, or sleep deprived?
Well, you have what my friend would call  as 'Withdrawal syndrome". Please consult her. She will heal you in no time.

*Thanks,really, and yes,I heart you*

Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm back, safe and sound :)

The fact that I love this blog sooo much that I don't have the heart to delete it, not just yet.
I'd given all my heart and soul in this.
When I read my old posts, rasa nak gelak, nak menangis pun ada. Kenangan lama mengusik jiwa, haha.
How can I delete the blog when I have posted something like this?



TUESDAY, APRIL 20, 2010

Atuk Wan jumpa Allah

'Atuk Wan pergi mana Sarah?'
'Jumpa Allah.'

Perjalanan pulang ke Muar petang tu tenang sekali. Jalan di lebuh raya Utara-Selatan petang Sabtu yang lepas tak banyak dipenuhi dengan kereta seperti hari-hari hujung minggu yang biasa.
Petang tu, cuma saya dan Abah dalam kereta berdua. Dah lama tak begini. Meluangkan masa bersama anak dan ayah.

Perjalanan yang memakan masa hampir 3 jam membuatkan saya acapkali tersengguk-sengguk. Dan kadangkala suasana sunyi dihiburkan oleh lawak-lawak Abah. Ah, rindu betul zaman-zaman kecil dulu. Dan petang itu, kami tak memasang radio pon, saya sendiri tak mendengar mp3 yang saya sudah siap-siapkan transfer lagu sebelum pulang ke Segambut. Katanya mahu pulang dengan bas, tapi tak jadi. Plan cancel.
'Naik kereta je la, senang, takut tak ada tiket pulak,' kata Abah.

Saya cuma mengikut saja. Yang bawak kereta itu Abah. Bila kereta meluncur laju menghampiri Ksmpung Parit Ponorogo, hati saya mula berdebar. Dan nak sampai ni. Tak tahu apa yang patut saya lakukan. Macam-macam dalam fikiran. Macam mana kalau jumpa Atuk Aki nanti saya terus menangis? Macam mana kalau nampak Mak nanti air mata terus bergenang? Tak boleh jadi. Bak kata Nadia, Cikin dan kawan-kawan lain, saya kena kuat. Kalau saya menangis, mereka pon akan turut menangis.

Tapi, Abah seperti dapat membaca fikiran saya. Tiba-tiba Abah sebut pasal Atuk Wan. Abah cerita macam mana hari tu berlaku. Saya cuma mendengar dengan tekun.

'Macam tu lah hidup kat dunia. Dulu, awak kecik, baby, comel. Dengan pampers nya, terkedek-kedek lari kat abah. Lepas tu dah pergi sekolah, masuk kolej, sekarang masuk universiti. Nanti dah kerja, lepastu dah dewasa. Kahwin, ada anak. Lepas tu bila anak dah besar, masing-masing ada life sendiri. KAlau ditakdirkan Allah, kita mati, mati lah kita. Sekejap je hidup kat dunia ni. Sementara je.'

Saya diam. Mendengar. Lepas selesai membeli buah mangga kegemaran arwah atuk kat Bukit Pasir, Abah terus memecut kereta dan sampai ke Sungai Terap. Ya,itu kampung saya. Bila kaki melangkah ke pintu, saya nampak atuk aki. Tak sempat nak katakan apa-apa, Atuk Aki terus merangkul saya. Sebak. Saya tahu dan dapat lihat dengan terang dan nyata, Atuk Aki jelas masih sedih. Kami tak berkata apa-apa. Atuk terus ke Masjid untuk solat Maghrib. Saya tak sempat berkata apa-apa setelah bersalaman dengan atuk. Terus ke dapur dan memeluk Mak.
Ah, Mak masih sedih. Nurul kata Mak seboleh-boleh mengubah bilik, dapur dan susunan perabot supaya orang di rumah tak begitu sedih dan teringat-ingatkan Atuk Wan.

Saya terus ke bilik Mak. Meletakkan beg. Kaki berat nak melangkah, tapi saya jejakkan juga ke bilik Atuk. Ah, sayu lagi. Terbayang-bayang Atuk Wan yang seringkali berbaring atas katil selepas penat pulang dari dialisis.


********

Sesudah solat Maghrib, Mak duduk berteleku di tikar sejadah. Mak suruh Nurul ke dapur, masak makan malam. Saya pula duduk sebelah mak. Menunggu masuk waktu Isyak. Dan lepas tu, Mak mula bercerita tentang Atuk Wan.
'Semua orang tak sangka. Sebab masa mak balik tu, atuk tak de la nampak penat sangat. In fact, kitorang sempat gurau-gurau lagi dengan atuk. Tak de orang expect apa2 pon.Even atuk aki ingat pagi tu Atuk Wan hipo.'

Saya diam. Tekun mendengar.

'Alhamdulillah, atuk pergi senang sangat. Atuk meninggal dalam kalimah.'

Sebenarnya, saya dah punya instinct pada malam tu lagi. Malam mak bagitau saya atuk sakit tangan. Macam-macam saya fikirkan. Macam mana kalau atuk aki tinggal sorang-sorang.Tapi, cepat-cepat saya doa mintak Allah panjangkan umur Atuk. Malam tu juga saya try call atuk. Tapi tak berjawab. Dan saya setkan reminder yang display kat wallpaper utk mengingatkan saya call atuk pagi esoknya.

Tapi, bangun pagi tu, saya mimpikan Atuk Wan. Saya mimpi saya pulang ke Muar. Dan dengan gembiranya beritahu atuk yang saya nak tinggal bercuti seperti yang saya janjikan sejak di matrik lagi. Atuk tersenyum lebar.
Tapi, tu cuma mimpi.

Mungkin mimpi yang ingin memberitahu bahawa Atuk Wan sudah pergi.

Sebaik sahaja saya mandi pagi Isnin tu, saya siap-siapkan baju untuk ke dewan periksa. Masa tengah iron baju, mak call. Saya cepat2 dapatkan telefon sekali lagi dan menunggu panggilan mak.
Dan masa tu, saya menerima berita pemergian Atuk Wan.
Dan terjelepok menangis di bahu rakan-rakan.

Bila saya ceritakan pada Mak, Mak cakap Atuk Wan sayangkan saya. Walaupun tak dapat berjumpa dengan Atuk, tatap jenazah atuk buat kali terakhir, saya dapat berjumpa dan mencium pipi atuk dalam mimpi. Dan dalam banyak-banyak orang, saya yang mendapat instinct itu. Dan air mata mengalir tak henti-henti. Mak cuma menepuk-nepuk bahu saya supaya bersabar.

Ah, rindu sungguh pada wajah itu.
Saat ke kubur, dalam hati, saya rindu dan terpanggil-panggil mahu melihat wajah atuk.
Tapi, bila fikirkan kesedihan yang ditanggung Atuk Aki, perasaan sedih tu reda sedikit. Bila isteri tercinta, yang dihantar ke dialisis 3 kali seminggu, yang disiapkan makanannya, yang hidup bersama-sama berkongsi suka dan duka dah tiada, lagi terasa sedih dan sunyi.

Tapi, tak tahu kenapa. Somehow,saya terasa Atuk dekat dengan saya. Atuk ada dalam hati.
Saya tak rasa Atuk dah pergi. Sebab atuk selalu dalam ingatan dan dalam hati.
Dan bila fikir-fikir balik, betullah kata Nurul.

'Hari tu adalah tarikh perjumpaan Atuk dengan Allah.Memang dah tertulis. Dan yang pasti, Atuk berada dengan yang lebih Menyayangi dia.'

Bak kata Sarah, sepupu saya yang baru berumur 2 tahun dan sangat rapat dengan atuk wan.

'Atuk Wan pergi mana Sarah?'
'Jumpa Allah.


Dear friends, forgive me, my bad. Hehe. I'll be back with more posts in the future, eh :)

Friday, June 3, 2011

The real you

Believe it or not, you could figure out someone's characteristics, attitude or behavior through social network.

Somehow, you expose yourself, the true you.

It's not good, yet it is not bad.

Bagusnya, orang boleh kenal kau secara tak langsung. Tak bagusnya, orang betul-betul boleh kenal kau secara langsung? Faham?

Okay, biar aku explain.

Good thing is that, orang boleh kenal kau. Walaupun kau tak perlu bersua muka.
But the downside of it is that, orang boleh tahu betapa clingy, sombong, macam bagus, desperate, or apa-apa lah yang kau rasa diri kau sebenar.

Well, tak ada masalah pun, cuma people will talk. About you.
Tentang macam mana orang lain boleh melihat keburukan kau dengan lebih jelas.
Dan mungkin pandangan mereka terhadap kau boleh berubah, sama ada berkurang atau bertambah.

Kau boleh cakap, at least that's me. What you see is what you get. 
At least kau tak hipokrit.

Entahlah, this is just my 2 cents.
Kadang-kadang, orang lain,maksud aku, orang dunia luar tak perlu tahu kau siapa. Bila zaman-zaman social network tak pernah wujud, sekurang-kurangnya privasi diri terpelihara.
Orang tak akan nak ambil tahu sangat pasal kau.
At least people will get to know you, the real you in the real world.
Kau tak jeopardise diri kau dengan mendedahkan semuanya tentang kau.



Mak aku pernah pesan,
'Kita tak perlu nak cerita semua. Semua kebaikan, semua keburukan. Kena simpan untuk diri sendiri jugak'
Aku rasa ada benarnya pesan mak aku tu.



P/s: HAppy birthday emi! 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Life's like that

Imagine a 4 year old girl, abandoned by her young parents, living with her siblings and a drug addict uncle, and can only depends her life on her step grandmother. Her elder sister ran away from home, and just had a baby at age 16. Her step grandmother works in the afternoon and she had nowhere to go and just wandering around. Even chocolates like choki-choki she'll consider it as a meal for the day.

This is the girl that I met yesterday for one of the KZM cases (KZM stands for Kurang Zat Makanan). They'd been given Bakul Makanan by the Unit Pemakanan (Jabatan Kesihatan) every month. And we went to pay a visit to check the children improvement whether the Bakul Makanan has been useful for them.

We had three cases yesterday.2 cases in Jinjang area  and one in Sri Alam.

'You have to see the unfortunates to feel grateful for what you have,' Mak said.

I had an easy life compared to these unfortunates. Maybe I don't have much, compared with the rich people.  Yet, I have enough. Tak pernah rasa lapar, kecuali salah sendiri sebab terlalu boros berbelanja. There was never a day that I could complain saying that I don't get enough pocket money.

I was speechless when I went to see the girl's house. There was her drug addict uncle, who's in his own world and ignored us completely. The size of her house is half size of our house in Plaza Rah. It was empty, and there was only 1 mattress in the house. Probably she shares it with her brothers and the uncle. We were so worried about her safety, anything could happen to her. But we were most worry that she'll follow her mom or her sister's footsteps.

Nasib baik dia dapat Bakul Makanan, sedikit sebanyak dapat membantu. Bakul makanan tu consist of full cream milk, beras, milo, sardin and other stuff. Tak banyak, tapi cukuplah kot untuk mengurangkan beban.

Life can be very hard for some people, and can be very easy for some. For some, you'll get either one, whether it's love or money. But for her, she gets none. She has no love or money.

True, there are some people who are poor but they have love. Parents are working hard to feed their child and ensuring the safety and education as the main priority. But reality check, what you see on TV is the real thing going on in the real world. Sebab tu, family support sangat penting, parents upbringing, and the importance of education is very very important.


When I was on my way back to my office, I was thinking very hard. And I had the images of the house, and the girl named Pija over and over again. I pray for the girl, her safety and her life.


In my heart, I deeply thank Allah for everything that I have.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Update internship part 2

I dunno why but today, suddenly I came up with this in my head. The fact that Nutrition is indeed something that is big and it does not just covers the area of food, food and food as people assume.

Just so you know. Banyak area sebenarnya bidang pemakanan ni. Kalau Sport Nutrition, you have to know about athletes, as there are many kinds of sports, so different kind of nutrition approach, depending on the requirement. 

As for PZM; Pegawai Zat Makanan, subject Pemakanan Sepanjang Hayat, belajar masa 2nd year, sangatlah penting! In fact, kena tahu details and apa masalah komuniti sebenarnya. To be exact, jadi PZM ni memanglah berkhidmat dengan komuniti. Sama ada agensi kerajaan, atau pun swasta. So, kena tahu tentang masalah pemakanan komuniti, contoh,breastfeeding, masalah kurang zat makanan di kalangan kanak-kanak, obesiti dan sewaktu dengannya.
And usually, you'll be assigned to do cooking demonstration in front of target community. The main role is to educate. Educate. And create awareness!
Not only that, PZM is responsible for menu planning for minister kalau ada big function. phew! Pressure, okay! 
So, PZM memang kena maintain body image yang ideal, dan menjadi contoh kepada orang ramai. Orang tak akan tunding jari pada doktor, in fact, doktor pun tak semua yang tahu pasal nutrition. Tapi, orang akan persoalkan kenapa nutritionist gemuk, and don't practice what they preach!
Kiranya, banyak lagi sebenarnya kerja PZM. Nanti-nanti aku cerita lagi.

Untuk private sector pulak, aku tak berapa arif, mungkin lain kali akan cerita lagi juga. Cuma, so far, apa yang aku tau, nutritionist penting untuk pastikan kandungan nutrisi dalam satu-satu produk tu cukup dan boleh meningkatkan market produk mereka.

Untuk yang buat research, contribution diorang sangat penting untuk menghasilkan fakta-fakta penyelidikan yang boleh diguna pakai sebagai maklumat sahih untuk kegunaan nutritionist yang nak educate orang ramai. Kiranya, researcher ni tulang belakang penting untuk bidang nutrition ni.

Kesimpulannya, kepada coursemates, jangan rasa downgraded sebab tempat attachment korang mungkin korang rasakan tak sehebat dan tak seseronok mana. Sebab every field is important. Think of it this way, kau ada kelebihan yang mereka tak ada. Contohnya, mungkin kau tak pergi attachment dekat JKN atau ISN, tapi kau buat research. Kau ada skil dan teknik yang orang lain tak ada. Tak gitu?

Just do and enjoy your time! Nanti bila dah naik sem, kita exchange stories, kite ceciter dengan kawan-kawan lain apa pengalaman kita. Okay? :)


P/s: Observe, observe and observe.
Next : create menu and recipes for KZM children. Cook, cook, cook.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

The internship

Untuk LI, aku dapat tempat kat JKN WP KL.I asked for Putrajaya, tapi dapat sini. But still, rasa bersyukur sebab dapat tempat. Ramai yang lain tercampak2.

Anyway, I have a real nice and cool supervisor. Baik gila. For the first three days, nothing much. Cuma buat analisis data and kena design bulletin board yang super banyak! And we were given a whole lots of guidelines to read.
Semalam masuk dapur, try uji rasa resepi untuk Rancangan Makanan Tambahan budak sekolah.
Mee hun sup. Resepi tak sedap, kesian budak sekolah, so, kami bersepakat modify resepi tu sebulat suara!
Cik Zaiza kata there'll be more cooking in the future.
And practical kat hospital.
Whatever, aku redah je! Experience kan?

Did I tell you that I work on Saturday too? haihsy!
Takpe, demi kesihatan masyarakat sejagat! haha.



Berkhidmat untuk negara.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

She, PanDemonium

Ugly faces 



Icah's Hypothesis :The more you come, the further I'll push you away.


But Nadia, is not a quitter. She loves challenges.
She is the total opposite of me.


I am normal and she is insane!
I am quiet and she is chaotic.
I love to listen. But she loves to talk.
I like to let things cool down, but she prefers to settle things ASAP.
I think I'm cool. B-)
But she thinks she's hot ( EURGH!)


Despite being rejected, she never gave up on me.
In a weird way, she changed me, a lot.


Sometimes,I may sounds harsh,moody and cold towards you,
But that doesn't mean that I don't love you, friend!
Marah kan tanda sayang! hahahahhahaha! :P
Having a friend like you  is a life's blessing!




There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead. - Lucas Scott One Tree Hill






p/s :Happy birthday!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Babbling part 14 :Masa yang tertinggal

now playing : The Corrs -Runaway

It's been really hectic these past few weeks.
I was so exhausted that I almost give up towards the end. But hey, that's not the right way to do it.
Buat sampai habis, sampai terdaya, baru lah tawakal, and not giving up.

I can't believe how fast time flies.
Tengok-tengok dah tinggal one paper. Tahun depan, probably by this time, dah sibuk-sibuk nak tinggalkan uni life.

I dunno if it just me, but I hate it when the exam weeks coming to an end. Sebab everyone will be heading home, figuring out what to do on semester break....
Rasa macam ...sedih. Haha
Not for long, I only have a week of rest before going to Latihan Industri.
After 7 weeks, then, I'll have  a real looong holiday.
Cool huh?

Thought of doing something nanti untuk cuti yang sangat panjang.

Can;t believe that I'm going to be a final year student. Soon.
Cepat sangat rasanya!


For those who just started your study leave, selamatlah setadi.
Yang baru nak start exam, all the best.
Kepada yang dah habis paper, happy holiday.

To dear friends,
Selamat menempuh LI nanti ye? :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bukan susah nak susah

Hampir empat ke lima kali seminggu saya akan makan di restoran tom yam Kampung Bharu ni.
And almost everyday, ada abang tinggi, pakai backpack ni jual tasbih, manicure set dan macam-macam benda lain lagi. Dari satu kedai ke satu kedai dia pergi. He is not a Malaysian, i think. Probably from somewhere else, Bangladesh ke, I'm not sure.

Setiap kali makan situ dia mesti ada. Tak pernah penat, tak pernah putus asa walaupun buat benda sama. Hari hari. Dan tiap kali dia datang, beri salam dan tunjukkan barang-barang yang nak dijual, tiap kali tu kitorang cuma senyum dan geleng tanda tak nak beli. Tak pernah pulak dia nak marah orang tak nak beli barang dia.

SO?
Apa yang cuba nak disampaikan?
Walaupun hari-hari, semua ceruk kedai makan dia masuk, walaupun kena marah tak pun tak dilayan, dia tetap datang hari-hari, cuba jugak jual barang-barang yang dia ada.
Mana tau, hari tu rezeki dia. Sebab ada je saya pernah nampak orang beli manicure set dia yang berwarna-warni  tu.

Abang tinggi tu tak pernah putus asa. Dari saya second year, pertama kali bertapak ke Plaza Rah, sampailah saya dah nak ke tahun akhir next year. Orang yang sama juga.
Dan yang penting, usaha dia adalah punca rezeki yang halal.

Bukan macam mana-mana rakyat Malaysia pemalas, yang cuma tahu meragut, merompak, dan menyusahkan hidup orang lain. Nak dapatkan duit dengan cara mudah. TANPA perlu berusaha setimpal orang yang kerja sungguh-sungguh.




Bak kata Abah,
" Bukan senang nak senang, bukan susah nak susah "

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Banyak mana?

'How much do you want it?'
'How BAD do you want it?'

Walaupun masih tak tahu apa matlamat jangka panjang,
at least I have my short term goals that I want to achieve.

Seriously.
Discovering what I want, is such a hard thing for me to do. I thought I want this, and I get what I want. But it turns out to be, this may not be good for me. Or I may not fit well in this.



Maybe perlu bertapa ke gua, ke kaki gunung, atau ceruk pedalaman mana-mana untuk mencari kemahuan diri sendiri?


p/s : Grand Canyon sounds great, boleh pergi lah macam ni. ;p

Monday, April 4, 2011

Gegeh!

Berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian,
bersakit-sakit dulu,
bersenang lenang kemudian :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Semoga selamat semua

I didn't attend last lecture for my last semester of 3rd year. Bad headache. Nasib baik ada kawan-kawan baik belikan panadol ( stok dah abis), ada tukang urut ala Bali dan yang tolong belikan makanan. Thanks korang. Memang macam tu la selalunya, dekat-dekat nak exam mula pening, or maybe just PMS.

So, lecture dah habis. Study week dah start, and exam lagi seminggu je. And masa-masa ni la assignment mula bertimpa-timpa. Nasib baik dah 90%. So, boleh lah nak concentrate dekat study.

Will be going home right after this.  yeay!

Semalam, I had this talk with Popo. Sampai tengah malam. Dah lama tak borak lama-lama dengan budak tu. The thing is, we talked about death. In the middle of the night. Quite scary. Haha. But then again, all living things will die eventually.

Tula, bila pikir-pikir balik, kita beriya-iya struggle gila gila untuk exam. We keep saying that life is a test. Kita tahu hidup ni ujian yang Tuhan bagi, tapi sejauh mana we take life seriously like exam? Kita tak tahu berapa banyak kita dah skor dalam hidup ni, berapa banyak dosa, berapa banyak pahala. Tak ke kita nak kejar dean's list? Nak dapat yang terbaik so that dapat tempat yang terbaik, dapat kerja best. And the same goes to life, nak kejar dunia dan akhirat, untuk dapatkan tempat yang terbaik masa kat sana. The real Day of Jugdement nanti,  are we really ready for that?

Hoh.

Okay, tu je. Buat semua yang nak menghadapi final, All the best. Kita bagi yang terbaik, result semua benda tu pikir kemudian, tu bukan urusan kita kan? :)

Good luck korang !

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

this is how it feels

Budak kecik fascinated dengan air pancut*comel giler*

and Yesterday was the celebration for her birthday.
Thanks to our event planner, that would be Nadia Zambri, for the cake, coffee and photographer. Kami hanya menyumbangkan wang saku sahaja. Kalau kau tak ada, tak adalah semua ni.*sila jangan melambung tinggi*

It was fun. Lepak, relax, seronok je. Birthday celebration bertemakan pink di KLCC park was as sweet as Amalina. Well, dia kan budak baik-yang -tak sampai-hati-nak-dibaling-telur-masa-birthday. So, she deserves yang sweet-sweet baik-baik ni. Haha.

Jadi, Dear Amalina Dz,

walaupun post ni lambat sehari* sorry*.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
semoga dipanjangkan umur dan murah rezeki hendaknya, dan dilimpahkan rahmat oleh Nya. Moga cepat-cepat berkahwin.Moga berjaya dunia akhirat. Moga menjadi baker terkenal sebab sangat berbakat. Moga yang baik-baik sahaja. :)


*masih tiada kata nama.haha. itu yang special.*



Birthday girl yang bajet2 ala-ala girl scout tu.haha.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Surat untuk yang tercinta

Buat insan yang dah terlalu banyak berkorban,
jiwa dan raga sejak aku dalam rahim lagi

Buat insan yang tak pernah jemu-jemu mengasihi,
walaupun aku selalu menyakiti

Buat insan yang selalu percaya pada diri ini,
walaupun aku sering putus asa dan lupa diri

Aku ada satu janji. Yang tak mungkin aku mungkiri sampai mati.
Biarpun aku tak sehebat yang lain, biarpun aku tak sebijak yang lain, namun, sampai akhir nanti, akan aku sentiasa berada di sisi. Dan akan kukerah segala kudrat yang ada,  untukmu nanti. Takkan aku lupa jasa dan bakti. Hanya Tuhan yang Maha Mengetahui.


Kau sebahagian besar jiwa dan ragaku. Kau sebahagian besar cintaku.
Terima kasih atas segala-galanya.
Kau ku sayang dan cinta sampai akhir nanti.



Happy 52nd birthday MAK! :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Buat homosapien yang kononnya membebel



Dear ET
                                                  Happy birthday~

Terima kasih sebab selalu ada walaupun kadang-kadang jauh di mata.
Terima kasih sebab menjadi kawan yang selalu bagi sokongan positif.
Terima kasih sebab sentiasa ingat dan tak pernah lupa.

Dear ET,

Knowing you is my great pleasure.
and do stay true to yourself,
and always be strong!

*sedih la baca blog zati! :( *



I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.  ~Katherine Mansfield

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Change for good

Things changed.
What can I say?

'Tak tahulah'
'Aku tak tahulah'

I'm starting to hate myself for not really knowing what is actually there in my heart. For never really have the answer, the truth, or my own desire in life.
Ask me anything, and I would assure you that my answer would most probably be,
' I don't know and not gonna give a damn about it'

I just realized that. I know I have been so emotionless. Like a dead man walking. And not really have the excitement in almost anything that I've been into. And I don't know what I have turned into. I wouldn't call myself as a human, a normal human being.


Where is the excitement? My enthusiasm?

Really, I need to find it. I feel sorry for my friends, my family, for all the people around me. For giving you no expression, no excitement, no enthusiasm. I have been that person for such a long time that I don't know how to find or getting myself change into someone else who I would gladly turn into.

The process of self-discovering is still on-going. I need to find me. The thing that will excites me, in any way. Other than bloody food (damn, I have put on weight).

Well, change for a better me do sounds good.

At least for me.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A grownup is a child with layers on

The picture that I'm having right now is freaking me out.
Picture of what I'm becoming to be.
Which is, an adult.

How much differences would it make when I'm no longer a teenager.
How big the responsibilities that I'm going to carry on my shoulder as an adult.
The differences, the distances that would slowly take place, among friends whom I deeply in love with.

Soon, real soon, my life is no longer revolves around me and my friends,
Soon, I'll be on my own, pursuing what I've always wanted to be.
and none of my besties will be around, laughing, sharing, shedding tears,gossiping and doing silly things together.

And life will be so much different from now.



Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.




and dear friends,
I shall be ready till the day come.
the day when I'm going to miss you guys damn much.



though I already did :(

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

It's the cycle, people.

It is the time of the month.

So, kalau ada relatives or kawan yang berjantina perempuan beremosi, sila maafkan mereka.
Sebab, when it's that time, they just happen to be like that.
and that including me. of course.
And do not worry, it will be over soon.

really soon.

Campus Election. PRK?
Dah habis. and as an observer, not involving with any parties, I can only vote for whom I think would carry out their responsibility in representing our voices.

Unfortunately, sebijik macam senario politik di Malaysia, there's this Blue and White parties.
Masing-masing cuba menegakkan kesungguhan nak memimpin dengan bermanifesto, nak tunjukkan masing-masing hebat.
Hantar mesej ni, hantar mesej tu.
Fine.
I don't give a damn which party you are representing,but, as long as you do your job, and walk your talk,
that's already good for me.
So, bila ada gaduh-gaduh or keje mengeji di alam facebook dan alam nyata oleh penyokong parti yang agak fanatik dan menjatuhkan imej calon serta parti, itu dah macam menconteng arang di muka parti.
Tak ke?

But then again,
it's politics.

Tak kisahlah tampuk pemerintahan jatuh pada tangan siapa pun.
Let's call for a change.
If they couldn't make any changes for this term,
then we're not going to vote for them again, kan?



Aku undi siapa?

Undi anda bukan lagi rahsia.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Aku tak puas hati

Aku tahu aku perempuan.
Aku faham apa perasaan perempuan.
Mejadi perempuan.
Dan walaupun aku suka nak mengaku konon macho, dan tak suka berlaku feminin,
tapi aku sedar, fitrah aku adalah menjadi perempuan.
Seperti apa yang Allah jadikan.

Aku tahu perempuan ada banyak emosi.
Aku tahu perempuan tu lemah dari banyak segi kalau nak dibandingkan dengan lelaki.
Aku juga perempuan, Aku tahu apa yang kau rasa.

Tapi, bila kau mengadu domba berganda-ganda di alam maya mahupun alam nyata, kau cuma merosakkan imej perempuan-perempuan lain di muka bumi.

'Sedih'
'Kecewaaaa ~~~~~'
'Dia tak layan akuuu,huhuhuhuu'

Come on!
Perempuan tak selemah itu, kau tahu?
Aku bukannya wanita besi, mahu berlagak kuat, mahu menunjukkan aku setaraf dengan lelaki, baik emosi mahupun tenaga kerja.
Cuma, bila kelemahan kau, kau tayangkan dengan jelas dan nyata, dalam kadar kekerapan yang sangat tinggi di hadapan orang ramai, aku jadi meluat.

Tak pun, kau tak tahu apa fungsi social network itu sebenarnya.
Kau meraih simpati di sana-sini. Kau tak punya kawan kah untuk bercerita? Atau ahli keluarga yang memahami?
Ataupun kau lupa wujudnya perkhidmatan SMS dan juga panggilan telefon?
Yang dapat memberikan kau kelebihan yang mereka namakan privasi?

Walaupun aku boleh berbuat-buat bodoh dan tak nampak, kalau dah kerap sangat, semua orang pun naik menyampah kan?



Cukuplah.


Aku doakan kau lebih kuat dari segala segi.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Either death, or freedom

Hati mana tak sakit kalau tengok perilaku kejam manusia. Sekejap, mereka bukan manusia, tapi mereka binatang.
Hati mana tak sedih bila manusia bermati-matian menginginkan keadilan, tapi si tua bangka yang sempurna lima panca indera hanya memekakkan telinga membutakan mata.
Rakyat menderita, dia senang lenang bergelak ketawa ?
Kata kau, kalau kau turun takhta, situasi jadi carca merba?

Sungguh, kau lah manusia paling bodoh sekali di dunia!
Kau fikir kau selamat di dunia?
Kau fikir kuasa itu segala-galanya?

Kau lihat,
mereka tak pernah gentar!
Mereka tak pernah gusar,
kerana mereka tak lagi takutkan kau!
Atas nama keadilan, mereka bersatu hati,
walaupun mereka berlainan agama
solidariti mereka sungguh aku kagumi!

Nah Mubarak,
satu dunia memerhati,
Jangan kau ingat kuasa itu segala-galanya,
Kerana yang pasti,
ia memakan diri kau sendiri!

Nyah kau pergi!
Berambus kau dari sini!


Siapa tak marah, bila manusia memprotes secara aman,diperlakukan begini?sini dan juga sini.
Nah, kau lihat sendiri . Yang kristian melindungi yang muslim saat mereka melaksanakan solat.

Kau tunggu dan lihat sendiri.
Akan mereka perjuangkan sampai mati.
Kau lihat betapa nekadnya mereka ini.


One protester in Cairo told Al Jazeera that demonstrators would continue protesting until Mubarak steps down.
"It's either death, or freedom," he said.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Down with the regime

Di Mesir, kebangkitan rakyat yang terus-terusan memprotes dan melaungkan 'Down with the regime' sejak semalam sedikit sebanyak mula mendatangkan hasil. Hasil keberangkatan si pengecut ' Ben Ali' di Tunisia memberikan semangat buat rakyat di Mesir. Malah, ini adalah pergerakan dan kesatuan rakyat, tanpa ada asal-usul dari mana-mana punca pergerakan dari mana-mana parti politik. Ini gerakan rakyat sendiri.
Kebangkitan mereka buat bulu roma ku berdiri tegak!
Sudah masanya Husni Mubarak pergi sejak bertahun lamanya.

Kebangkitan mula hadir di negara lain.
Yemen pun sama. sila baca sini

Moga-moga keadilan akan terbela.

p/s :Muslim Brotherhood chanting Allah Akbar. Crowd stopped them chanting louder: Muslim, Christian, we're all Egyptian #Egypt" latest tweet.

Something for us to ponder?

Berhenti seketika,ambil tahu dunia luar selain menjenguk beautifulnara.
Mari menjadi manusia yang lebih berkualiti.
Banyak lagi yang berlaku di dunia luar selain kisah sampah fasha sanda yang ditinggalkan.
Tatkala sahabat seusia kita di negara luar berkobar-kobar mempertahankan negara dan menegakkan kebenaran, kita masih terkapai-kapai lemas di bawah tempurung besi.

* Renungan buat diri sendiri dan rakan-rakan*