' Sedar tak sedar genap 5 tahun dah Aicau meninggal,' kata Abah.
Yeah, 5 years. Exactly 5 years ago. 30th November 2006. Now it's 2011.
Who would have thought that he would leave us so soon. But then again, takdir tuhan, siapa yang tahu.
Hampir genap 6 bulan my house was under renovation. And esok will be the last day pakcik2 tu bekerja siapkan rumah. Dan aku rindukan Putrajaya. Rumah dah nak siap, Along dah pun nak kahwin. Siapa sangka dia dah nak berumah tangga tak lama lagi.
Takdir tuhan, kau apa tahu.
Atuk's condition is getting worse. Selalu demam at least sebulan sekali. Dah semakin lupa. Dan atuk pun dah mula lupa nak call. Siapa sangka Atuk mula demam sejak Raya lepas, yang dijangkitkan oleh aku sendiri. Dan sejak tu, Atuk selalu tak sihat.
Takdir tuhan, aku memang tak tahu menahu.
Takdir Allah, cuma Dia sahaja yang tahu.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Saya cinta awak
Ada orang cakap aku cinta kat kau.
....................................................
Haha. Honestly aku pun tak tahu dan tak sedar.
Aku mungkin marah-marah kadang-kadang. Marahkan kau, mungkin. Tapi, dengan sentuhan dan 'magic words' (lah sangat) daripada kau, semuanya hilang. Lega. As if nothing happened.
The weird thing is, cuma kau je boleh bagi effect tu pada aku.
With that,
Dear Farhana Nazri,
Happy Happy Birthday :)
and yes, I love you.
....................................................
Haha. Honestly aku pun tak tahu dan tak sedar.
Aku mungkin marah-marah kadang-kadang. Marahkan kau, mungkin. Tapi, dengan sentuhan dan 'magic words' (lah sangat) daripada kau, semuanya hilang. Lega. As if nothing happened.
The weird thing is, cuma kau je boleh bagi effect tu pada aku.
With that,
Dear Farhana Nazri,
Happy Happy Birthday :)
and yes, I love you.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Meow.
Masa dalam kereta bersiar-siar dengan Mak Abah dalam kereta, I think of you. I remember you driving me around Putrajaya sana sini showing off your skills driving manual car, ergh.
While I was cleaning up our house in Segambut, I think of you, again. The house is different now but it is still the same place we grew up together. I listened to you telling me how was your football 'friendly' match almost every evening. How you got tackled by this boy and I still remember how proud you were when you scored a goal. I remember how enthusiastic you were back then when we did house chores together when Kak Sam left our house for the first time.
It was you the one who told Mak Abah and caught me ponteng sekolah. Hahaha.
I get annoyed when you're around. I get annoyed when you are not around.
When I see cats, I think of you.
If you're home, I'll always be happier.
If only you're here.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Buat-buat faham
'Kena suruh solat dari kecik, biar lama-lama dia biasa lah', tegas Mak, menegakkan hujah-hujah mendidik budak kecil bersolat.
'Lagi satu, kena ajak pergi surau/masjid dari kecik lagi, takpe, nampak macam paksa, tapi lama-lama nanti sendiri pandai lah,' sambung Mak lagi.
'Tapi Mak, kalau buat secara terpaksa tak ada kerelaan hati, tak ke kerja sia-sia namanya?' Aku mencelah.
'Nurul rasa, mungkin idea suruh dari kecik-kecik memang bagus, tapi kena fahamkan kenapa nak kena solat, kenapa nak kena pergi masjid. Bila dah faham, automatik ikhlas nak buat sebab dah tau kenapa dan automatik akan praktik sampai ke tua. Tak gitu?' kata Nurul.
******
Nak melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. Sebab masa dia jadi rebung, dia lembut lagi, senang nak bentuk, senang nak lentur. Tapi, bila dah jadi buluh, bila dah keras, memang susah lah nak bentuk.
Tapi kalau melentur saja-saja, tak ada asas yang kukuh, buat apa-apa tapi tak ada pemahaman. Seriously, apa gunanya? Bila ditanya, kenapa solat? Kenapa puasa?Kenapa kena tutup aurat? Cuma setakat jawab sebab wajib, kena buat tapi tak faham apa kepentingan di sebaliknya.
Seriously?
Let us do some reflections. Aku sendiri tak banyak ilmu, banyak yang belajar masa sekolah agama dah ingat-ingat lupa. Lepas sekolah menengah, pergi matriks, masuk uni, tak ada effort langsung pergi belajar agama. Ceramah pun pergi sekali-sekala. Dok fikir study je semata-mata lepas tu berdoa beria mintak lulus exam.
Gila ungrateful.
Sama lah macam belajar. Kenapa belajar? Kenapa masuk uni? Sometimes, we do things just because it's part of our life that we think we have to go through. We don't really try to understand what is it for, the importance, and even benefits we gain from it.
Mungkin aku adalah salah satu rebung yang memang dilentur sejak kecil lagi. Alhamdulillah, tapi sebenarnya banyak lagi yang aku tak faham kenapa aku kena buat. Banyak lagi yang aku sendiri tak faham kenapa macam tu, kenapa macam ni.
So, yeah, I agree with Nurul's statement.
It's ok kalau tak tahu, tapi kena belajar mengambil tahu. Ye, malu nak mengaku sekarang, tapi lagi malu di kemudian hari kalau buat amal ibadah tapi tak tahu nak explain kenapa kena buat bila ditanya orang.
******
'Dulu-dulu masa abah kecil, arwah moyang ajar bangun solat subuh pagi-pagi dan solat dekat surau berjemaah.
Masa mula-mula nak buat dulu memang liat, lepas tu, constantly, abah dengan budak-budak kampung lain bangun jugak subuh solat kat surau sampailah cukup 40 hari.
Lepas je dapat cukup 40 hari, tak pernah tinggal sehari pun, arwah moyang jamu kitorang dengan makanan, lebih kurang macam ganjaran la.
Macam budak kecik puasa sehari dapat seringgit.
Sejak tu, memang rasa seronok bangun pagi-pagi pergi surau dengan kawan-kawan semua, belajar mengaji, macam-macam lah,
Dulu-dulu seronok, orang kampung ramai-ramai berkumpul kat surau, Tilawah Al-Quran tu pun ramai-ramai pakat excited nak dengar macam orang sekarang dengar konsert.
Sekarang, hiburan manusia dah lain. Hedonisme je semata.Pakat dok tengok konsert berjemaah kat rumah adalah,' Jelas abah masa dalam kereta on the way balik ke Putrajaya pagi tadi.
So ,yeah.
Melentur buluh biarlah daripada rebungnya. Tapi tak ada salahnya kalau dah nak jadi buluh tu nak belajar lagi.
'Lagi satu, kena ajak pergi surau/masjid dari kecik lagi, takpe, nampak macam paksa, tapi lama-lama nanti sendiri pandai lah,' sambung Mak lagi.
'Tapi Mak, kalau buat secara terpaksa tak ada kerelaan hati, tak ke kerja sia-sia namanya?' Aku mencelah.
'Nurul rasa, mungkin idea suruh dari kecik-kecik memang bagus, tapi kena fahamkan kenapa nak kena solat, kenapa nak kena pergi masjid. Bila dah faham, automatik ikhlas nak buat sebab dah tau kenapa dan automatik akan praktik sampai ke tua. Tak gitu?' kata Nurul.
******
Nak melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. Sebab masa dia jadi rebung, dia lembut lagi, senang nak bentuk, senang nak lentur. Tapi, bila dah jadi buluh, bila dah keras, memang susah lah nak bentuk.
Tapi kalau melentur saja-saja, tak ada asas yang kukuh, buat apa-apa tapi tak ada pemahaman. Seriously, apa gunanya? Bila ditanya, kenapa solat? Kenapa puasa?Kenapa kena tutup aurat? Cuma setakat jawab sebab wajib, kena buat tapi tak faham apa kepentingan di sebaliknya.
Seriously?
Let us do some reflections. Aku sendiri tak banyak ilmu, banyak yang belajar masa sekolah agama dah ingat-ingat lupa. Lepas sekolah menengah, pergi matriks, masuk uni, tak ada effort langsung pergi belajar agama. Ceramah pun pergi sekali-sekala. Dok fikir study je semata-mata lepas tu berdoa beria mintak lulus exam.
Gila ungrateful.
Sama lah macam belajar. Kenapa belajar? Kenapa masuk uni? Sometimes, we do things just because it's part of our life that we think we have to go through. We don't really try to understand what is it for, the importance, and even benefits we gain from it.
Mungkin aku adalah salah satu rebung yang memang dilentur sejak kecil lagi. Alhamdulillah, tapi sebenarnya banyak lagi yang aku tak faham kenapa aku kena buat. Banyak lagi yang aku sendiri tak faham kenapa macam tu, kenapa macam ni.
So, yeah, I agree with Nurul's statement.
It's ok kalau tak tahu, tapi kena belajar mengambil tahu. Ye, malu nak mengaku sekarang, tapi lagi malu di kemudian hari kalau buat amal ibadah tapi tak tahu nak explain kenapa kena buat bila ditanya orang.
******
'Dulu-dulu masa abah kecil, arwah moyang ajar bangun solat subuh pagi-pagi dan solat dekat surau berjemaah.
Masa mula-mula nak buat dulu memang liat, lepas tu, constantly, abah dengan budak-budak kampung lain bangun jugak subuh solat kat surau sampailah cukup 40 hari.
Lepas je dapat cukup 40 hari, tak pernah tinggal sehari pun, arwah moyang jamu kitorang dengan makanan, lebih kurang macam ganjaran la.
Macam budak kecik puasa sehari dapat seringgit.
Sejak tu, memang rasa seronok bangun pagi-pagi pergi surau dengan kawan-kawan semua, belajar mengaji, macam-macam lah,
Dulu-dulu seronok, orang kampung ramai-ramai berkumpul kat surau, Tilawah Al-Quran tu pun ramai-ramai pakat excited nak dengar macam orang sekarang dengar konsert.
Sekarang, hiburan manusia dah lain. Hedonisme je semata.Pakat dok tengok konsert berjemaah kat rumah adalah,' Jelas abah masa dalam kereta on the way balik ke Putrajaya pagi tadi.
So ,yeah.
Melentur buluh biarlah daripada rebungnya. Tapi tak ada salahnya kalau dah nak jadi buluh tu nak belajar lagi.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Forget me not
Dear Atuk,
For an old man like you, to forget things, that is normal. You are now reaching 77 years of age. I can't expect you to remember every single details.
But I am not sad. Because of the fact that you still remember to call me.Without fail. And you forgot that you've called. Which makes you call, again, again and again. Because you are my 'boyfriend' who never fail to call me constantly at least once a week :)
I don't mind if you call me once.
Twice, just an hour later after you called.
I don't mind.
I don't mind. Because I know that you didn't forget me.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Corny much
When I was a little innocent kid, friendship was something to me. I was really excited when I was declared as someone's best friend. I was proud and felt loved. As if it was my first ever established relationship to a normal human being other than my family.
From that day onward, friendship means a lot to me.
We sent each other cute cards, cute gifts, cute sayings to remind each other how much we appreciate our relationship. Just to tell her that I was glad she was my best friend. Corny, I know.
But then, things went bad. And we broke up. I was no longer her best friend.
We didn't manage to save our friendship. The ship sank to the bottom of the ocean and no one was able to go down and pull it to the surface. Either me or her.
We failed. Miserably, without even trying to work things out. Up till now, she's just a friend of mine.Whom I never get in touch with. She's nobody. Not someone special.
As time goes by, I met different kind of people. One who helps me get stronger, one who would rather see my weaknesses instead of strengths, one who I would do anything for, and one who I would care less and more. These are the people who I called friends. People who are different and unique in their own way. Those who have shaped my life.
Many times, my friendships were tested. Many times. I believe it was His plan in making me a better company, a listener, and most importantly a better friend.
A good friend does not mean someone who take care of your feelings and intended to save your friendship by keeping things to him/herself. When something bad happen, you ought to go to your friend so that you can tell them what went wrong. But somehow you keep things to yourself, let it accumulate and explode on one fine day.
Because that's what I did. Or at least that is what I still do.
I have always thought that by keeping things to myself, I am the savior of all the friendships that I have built. Instead of making things worse, I decided to keep it quiet and let it pass and pretending nothing really bothers me. I thought I was being good to my friend. But I was wrong. I have been selfish all along.
For that,dear friends,I am sorry.
Friendship is what matters the most to me. As much as I keep saying I don't care, I don't mind. Please, do read between the lines. Deep down inside, I do care and I do mind. Expressing my own feeling is the hardest thing for me to do. I wanted to look strong but I was fool enough for not realize that I am actually making myself the weakest people on earth.
I know sometimes I give up. On me and my friends. I need your help. As much as I always say I give up, I never really wanted things to go down, for the ship to sink , for our friendship to come to an end.
For now, I know things will get better. Well, they have to get worse before they get better.
I want our ship to sail strong, drifting out across the blue ocean. We'll make it through storm and thunder. Together.
Yeah, corny. I know.
From that day onward, friendship means a lot to me.
We sent each other cute cards, cute gifts, cute sayings to remind each other how much we appreciate our relationship. Just to tell her that I was glad she was my best friend. Corny, I know.
But then, things went bad. And we broke up. I was no longer her best friend.
We didn't manage to save our friendship. The ship sank to the bottom of the ocean and no one was able to go down and pull it to the surface. Either me or her.
We failed. Miserably, without even trying to work things out. Up till now, she's just a friend of mine.Whom I never get in touch with. She's nobody. Not someone special.
As time goes by, I met different kind of people. One who helps me get stronger, one who would rather see my weaknesses instead of strengths, one who I would do anything for, and one who I would care less and more. These are the people who I called friends. People who are different and unique in their own way. Those who have shaped my life.
Many times, my friendships were tested. Many times. I believe it was His plan in making me a better company, a listener, and most importantly a better friend.
A good friend does not mean someone who take care of your feelings and intended to save your friendship by keeping things to him/herself. When something bad happen, you ought to go to your friend so that you can tell them what went wrong. But somehow you keep things to yourself, let it accumulate and explode on one fine day.
Because that's what I did. Or at least that is what I still do.
I have always thought that by keeping things to myself, I am the savior of all the friendships that I have built. Instead of making things worse, I decided to keep it quiet and let it pass and pretending nothing really bothers me. I thought I was being good to my friend. But I was wrong. I have been selfish all along.
For that,dear friends,I am sorry.
Friendship is what matters the most to me. As much as I keep saying I don't care, I don't mind. Please, do read between the lines. Deep down inside, I do care and I do mind. Expressing my own feeling is the hardest thing for me to do. I wanted to look strong but I was fool enough for not realize that I am actually making myself the weakest people on earth.
I know sometimes I give up. On me and my friends. I need your help. As much as I always say I give up, I never really wanted things to go down, for the ship to sink , for our friendship to come to an end.
For now, I know things will get better. Well, they have to get worse before they get better.
I want our ship to sail strong, drifting out across the blue ocean. We'll make it through storm and thunder. Together.
Yeah, corny. I know.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Lesson learned part 2
No matter how good your feelings were at beginning of the day, you can never tell they could actually turn 360 degrees as the day come to an end.
This thing called fate.You just can never tell.You just don't know.
I had a bad day. Tired. Migrain. Excruciating pain due to really really bad traffic. With my awful sense of direction that caused my mom and I got lost until KJ and PJ. We were running out of fuel, tinggal separuh senggat je and we're exhausted, physically and mentally. Mak was fasting and I missed my lunch. We were meant to go to Putrajaya. We got off from Segambut around 5 something and we arrived safely with huuuuuge relief at Putrajaya around 8.15 pm.
Man. It was bad.
When I was stuck in the traffic, all I can think of is that, 'Ada hikmah ni, ada hikmah ni, Sabar. SABAR.'
and Mak lagi lah, tak henti-henti istighfar panjang-panjang.
Lesson learned,
Kalau Tuhan nak bagi tu, memang dapat lah. Kalau Dia tak nak bagi, memang tak kan dapatlah walaupun the chance was right in front of your eyes ke, kerja macam nak gila ke. Memang tak la.
This thing called fate.You just can never tell.You just don't know.
I had a bad day. Tired. Migrain. Excruciating pain due to really really bad traffic. With my awful sense of direction that caused my mom and I got lost until KJ and PJ. We were running out of fuel, tinggal separuh senggat je and we're exhausted, physically and mentally. Mak was fasting and I missed my lunch. We were meant to go to Putrajaya. We got off from Segambut around 5 something and we arrived safely with huuuuuge relief at Putrajaya around 8.15 pm.
Man. It was bad.
When I was stuck in the traffic, all I can think of is that, 'Ada hikmah ni, ada hikmah ni, Sabar. SABAR.'
and Mak lagi lah, tak henti-henti istighfar panjang-panjang.
Lesson learned,
Kalau Tuhan nak bagi tu, memang dapat lah. Kalau Dia tak nak bagi, memang tak kan dapatlah walaupun the chance was right in front of your eyes ke, kerja macam nak gila ke. Memang tak la.
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